I know it is very hard to mingle into a new environment especially when you are a not in your mother land. Chinese is renowned for hospitality however it is not always the case. What I experienced triggers me to think about the situation of overseas Chinese. We all complain how overseas Chinese are treated. Those foreigners do not respect or believe us and vise versa. What’s wrong with our fellow? Divergent cultural background、or I should say that it is the damned evil of our human being who works？

Frankness and innocence will not do any good to you if you are with those stupid fellows. The only thing is that you will be taken advantage without knowing anything or persecuted as a foolish clown in their eyes. I am such a clown maybe all our human kind is a clown in the universe. One Chinese, an elite while three mean a team of nothing. That is the very explanation of that question. As Hawthorne says, there is evil in everyone’s heart. The evil takes away the kindness leaving hypocrisy and selfishness. What a shame! Do I have to be that or should I turn deaf ear to all? Sometimes, I turn to silence or obedience which turns out to be so ridiculous and funny. I am so silly. So I refuse the ego, and I should be tough and strong. Time tests!

花开寂寞

N天前，小猪来我这玩，就顺便从她家的紫罗兰上掐了几株带给我。说这个花很皮实，栽在土里就行，几乎不用管它。我胡乱找个个塑料罐，挖墙角弄了点土，就把它们丢进去了。某天早晨掀开窗帘，突然看到了花，这个小东西夹在叶缝里，似乎在偷看我，打量着新的家呢。现在它已经脱离了母体，成为单独的一株了，活得朝气蓬勃。小猪家的那株母体知道分离的痛苦么，知道自己生命的一部分被带到另外一个陌生的环境里，独立，自由生长么？这朵淡紫色的小花儿如同新生儿般用好奇，探索的眼睛观察这个世界，花如人，人如花。始终要离开，始终有寂寞，始终在相思。我不知道花儿是如何赶走寂寞，化解思念的痛苦？是因为它凋谢了么？

这孤独的一朵儿，独自绽放，花开寂寞。

也许是太累了，这几天每天早晨都被闹钟吵醒，赖到八点左右才不情愿的起床，再匆忙的赶到公司。那天吃完午饭后居然趴在办公桌上睡着了，醒来后无比的难受，可是还有很多活儿要干，迷迷糊糊中好不容易撑到下班，昨天下午又开始头晕眼花，本想再小憩一会儿，可是害怕重复前天的症状，干脆不睡觉，那股难受劲儿真是无法形容，昏昏沉沉的干活，眼睛是眯着的，电脑屏幕是模糊的，大脑是浑沌的，思维是混乱的，身体是慵懒的，天空是灰蒙蒙的，我是困倦的。终于等到五点半，我下意识的拿起包，打卡，下楼，外面的空气很冷，心想也许这样可以令我清醒点，可是没有，我似乎是飘飘着回家的，扔下包，躺在沙发上，不愿动弹，大脑里一片空白，时间就在此刻凝结，为何会如此疲惫？

   昨天看到俞敏洪老师的Blog上说新东方的一个发耳机的员工怎样成长为新东方的一名老师，再到新东方一个分校的校长的经历，心态或者说是性格决定了他能够突破自己之前的工作，逐步成长，走向成功。室友说我最近很不上进，没有看到我学习，精神状态也不好，我承认，我是敏感，情绪的控制能力很差，很多因素造成了我现在这种疲惫的心态，心累胜过身体的疲惫。我说女人是矛盾的集合体，反反复复，看似无理取闹，可谁知道心里的苦。于是就在矛盾里挣扎着，徘徊着，痛苦着，仿佛陷入了无法自拔的境地，让自己筋疲力尽，找不到方向。也许某天看着蓝天就突然醒悟，以前的那些痛苦也是成长的一部分，是丰富生命阅历的不可或缺的一分子，那时天空就是晴朗的，一切又都是美好的了，原来都是在给自己的思想作茧。

 

 

 昨天是一个很伤心的日子，我的死党之一玲离开北京，先回家乡，再前往昆山去寻求属于她的生活。上周五突然接到她的电话说“我辞职了，你明天过来帮我搬东西吧，我先在你家住几天，之后回老家，再到昆山去找工作。当时我的大脑一片空白，我的好朋友挨个儿的离开北京了，却不知她如此匆忙。

   周六早上很早就醒了，路灯刚刚熄灭，我却辗转难眠，想着玲的生活，想着我们在一起的开心时刻，想着她如此匆忙辞职肯定是工作不开心了，想着她以后该怎么办？这个傻子，在遭遇了学习，工作等诸多不顺后，她决定离开北京，离开这个伤心地，哎，昆山又会好到哪儿去呢，我们生活在这个弱肉强食的社会，哪里都一样。还是早点去帮她收拾一下到我这儿来吧！外面真的很热，西直门的地铁因为迎接奥运也被改得面目全非，比以前要绕很多，上下都很不方便。费了半天劲儿终于到达玲的住地，一个小房间，２个大箱子，还有一个背包，等等。这些就是你要带走的行李么？我拎了拎那个箱子，我的天，你这里都是什么，这么沉？这２个箱子里有一半都是书。书？我晕，你居然千里迢迢的带着这些你以后肯定不会去碰的书？咱们俩肯定拎不动这2个巨无霸，我还可以搞定一个，就你那样肯定不行，她似乎也意识到了，我让我同事过来送我们，于是她的一个同事一个小时以后赶到这里，我们就在烈日下出发了。

   到了地铁站我们超级郁闷，因为台阶太多，我们被那2个巨无霸折腾得几乎走不了路，我当时简直就恨死了台阶，为何要有如此多的台阶，为何只有上的电梯，没有下的电梯，经过上下N多个台阶后的千辛万苦，终于到达我住的地方。我们几乎没有任何力气了，空调的温度开得很低，却怎么也凉快不了。休息后去吃午饭，对面的餐馆看着还不错，我们要了啤酒，象征性的喝了点热闹下气氛。此时似乎忘记了她不久就要离开北京，离开生活了快5年的地方。我们聊旅游，聊生活，聊各自的爱好，那个同事说算是我们给你饯行了，以后来北京一定要找我们哦。玲很开心，如果来北京，她肯定会来找我的。  

  送走她的同事，我们去买火车票，这个时候的票很紧张，居然最近6的票都没有了，只剩下周日的2张上铺的票，我们很无奈，我催她赶紧决定，最后还是买了周日的票。我说没想到你明天就要离开北京了，你其他的朋友们可能也没有时间聚聚了，下午我带你去后海吧，我给你拍照片。她很高兴，说后海是个好地方，自己在北京呆了近5年都还没来过，真可惜。我说，现在不是来了么，我们可以晚点回去，后海的夜景也是很不错的。给她拍的很多照片都绽放着笑容，她说，和你在一起真开心，也许这是我最后一次和你这样在一起了。乌鸦嘴，瞎说什么呢？我结婚的时候你一定要来噢，还等着你给我干活呢！我们就在相机的咔嚓声中从荷花市场出发，绕着后海走了一圈，在暮色中我们又来到银锭桥。走，我们去烟袋斜街，我知道你很喜欢那些小玩意儿的。玲做了个鬼脸。 

    回家吧，你一定很累了。我说再玩会儿也可以啊，那样坐车的人不会很多，她还是拉着我回家了，下车后去超市买她在火车上吃的东西。可是我们无心吃东西，我建议熬小米粥，就着咸菜吃。于是我们达成共识，真是奇怪，那天的粥怎么会那么香！很累却不想入睡，那个家伙又来折腾她的那些小玩意儿，看，我给你买了个项链，她满脸的孩子气，我狂晕，老大，你也不想想我是适合戴这种项链的人么，这种链子简直就像是狗链一样。她坚持将那个很恐怖的东西戴在我的脖子上，差点勒死我。以后你可以买个其他的链子配这个坠，尤其是大领子，大扣子的毛衣，会很好看的，还再三嘱咐我一定要买。看，还有这双拖鞋，我要送给你，以前XX走的时候就送我一双很客气的脱鞋，还有她的签名，我也要那样，我要你一直记住我。那我岂不是一直都不能穿那双拖鞋了，害得我搬家的时候又得多带一样东西。嘿嘿，不管了，反正我要签名，给我笔。哎。。。。。。， 我还有一套新衣服，我穿给你看，拍下来看效果好不好，于是我又当了回摄影师，折腾玩自己后她居然让我也穿上那件很怪怪的，颜色极度鲜艳的衣服，我差点连眼珠子都给瞪出来，拜托，老大，别折腾我了，我会把你的衣服给撑坏的，我和你的穿衣风格根本就是完全不同的。 赶紧去睡觉，明天还得搬那2个巨无霸呢。就在我刷牙的那几分钟，她居然睡着了，轻轻的喊她都没反应。 是累了，你应该找人人守护你，照顾你，那样我才会放心。眼皮在打架，可我却难以入眠，玲的性格真的。。。。。。。，希望她以后能有个好的归宿。

周日早上被短信声吵醒，玲在给她的朋友们发短信告别，我依旧在睡梦中                                        挣扎， 似乎很久我才清醒过来，催着她收拾好自己的东西，手机还需要充电么等等，似乎她的一切事情都需要我来打理，我真的很为她担心了，以后你该怎么走？匆匆地，我们和了粥，吃过午饭，11: 30出发，前往火车站，我们已经忘记累是什么，居然很牛地将那2个巨无霸运到了车厢里。我要走了，看着她的眼睛闪烁着，我无法再看她几眼，匆匆的走出车厢，害怕眼泪模糊我们的双眼而看不清彼此。

玲， 希望你能尽快找到自己适合的路，祝福你。。。。。。。

The day after tomorrow marks Chinese Valentine’s day! Our people are paying increasing attention to those traditional Chinese festivals. Each and every Chinese should show great support to the cultural heritage.

Best wishes to those in love!

  

最近的日子还真不好过，老遇到一些BT的人和GP的事情，有时候郁闷得真想去问问他们，你们怎么也PEI活在这个世上。尤其是昨天那个GP的lao e居然change the document regardless of the previous one and the English version finished with my a few days hard work. His behavior is somehow equivalent to a fat head’s. It does exceed my tolerance and bearing. MMD, I have to keep silence so that I will not be bothered by those fools. Now, I turn a dear ear to what they said and did following yesterday’s angry and depression. 好朋友都说没有必要生气，想想也是，反正我都知道那些东西是GSH，还会做重大修改，我压根儿就没必要着急上火的，everything will be ok. 既然不能改变别人，干脆我改变自己了。如同他们脑子里的根深蒂固地想法一样，地球会正常的转动，I am nobody, but, you will know, I am somebody. To quit is something so pressing. 本来就超级郁闷，却又听到同学说她涨工资了，而且工资和我现在的一样多，简直没有天理了。我是太乖了，从来都不主动说加工资的事情，导致我现在的被动状态。NND，好不容易熬到发工资，又受刺激了，凭什么加班的费用只是按照1600每月的标准发，而不是我现在的工资标准呢？说什么很多人的工资一直在变动，不好算，于是从副总以下的所有员工的加班费用都是以这个标准发。ＷＫ，如此no face, 冬瓜皮一块，不是么？

I am ruling the company and what I say must be followed. That is the principle and the philosophy of management.

   早上心情大好，正准备一心干好我的工作的时候，那几个SB又来骚扰我。你天生一白痴不是你的错，干出很白痴的事情就是你的错了。我容忍着，容忍着，面对这帮yumunaodai 我能说什么？氧化钙~

   Maybe, what cares most is what I am thinking and what I will do in the near future.  It is time for me to take action.  

 

 

人这辈子都是走在漫长的路上。

有时候我们是过客，走得太匆忙，没有留意到路边的美丽风景，蓦然回首，我们已经走到终点，无法再去欣赏和体会了。

有时候我们总是在徘徊着，沉迷于那些所谓的景色，却没有想到前方的天空更广阔。远处的美丽已经是可望而不可及了，唯有空惆怅。

我们能把握好速度与时间的平衡么？ 

I am confused by the management of some company. The brain drain plagues the company for a long time especially recently. It is fair t o say that the entity has lost its essence and will soon be diminished. A little exaggerate? I hope so!

The management-know how is the core of an enterprise or a company. Less payment with high efficiency is what the employers boast. More salary with a bright prospect for further development is shared by all our employees. In this sense, there will always be a gap between the two. To strike a balance is somehow so difficult and yet to be handled properly.

   China is so blessed with so many talents and majority of them are expecting great inspirations. Those so called college graduates are not what they use to be. University is the harbor for them to escape from the sever competition and hardship of the world. A large poll of them is at loss what they are doing and what to do in the future. Courses and exams are not matching the social needs. Frankly speaking, they are not capable for their education in school. That is why many employers take it for granted that those born in the 80s or later are short of down-to-earth spirit. Truth tells but not exactly the same. Fresh graduates are hunting jobs amid twists and turns. Many vacancies are in waiting. Surplus or shortage? The embarrassing situation calls for something to be done. To make a concession or not is somehow in urgent need.

  It seems that it is not so convincing~

终于盼来了今年的第一场雪。它来得很急，出乎我的意料。
早晨被闹钟吵醒后还以为是闹钟出问题了，家里黑乎乎的，难道天还没有亮么。拉开窗帘，白白的东西映入眼帘 ，窗户上的水气想阻挡我和外面的世界的交流，不管了，赶紧看看吧，原来是雪。真的不可思议，本以为今年的北京没有这么痛快地下场雪，姗姗来迟的雪还是带给我们一些惊喜。在这，冬天里没有雪花就如同人没有眼睛，就失去了灵气，总有种遗憾。
    走在路上，尽情地欣赏着飞舞的雪花，它飘落在地上，融化了，飘落的过程就是它生命的全部，瞬间的绽放，留下的却是永恒的美。
    街上多了很多扫雪的人，一铁锹，一扫帚，一堆堆雪。。。。。。天空中还在飘舞着雪花，雪继续下~这种天气是我思绪乱飞的动力，顿时感慨万千。万物都有生存的权利，人类为了自己的延续，在拼命地攫取各种资源，每个人的生命都在无情的大自然中挣扎着以求能获得更多，于是就成就了现在的这个社会，似乎人类所做的一切都有一种合理的理由，大自然发怒的时候人类是多么的可笑，显得多么的渺小，多么的无助。即使如此也不能让我们反思我们的所作所为，因为我们是人类。
    思绪如同这漫天飞舞的雪花，一发不可收拾了，嗖嗖的冷风将我带回现实中，周末上班也很爽啊！
后记：最近这些文字都是几周前些好的，无奈网络出现故障，无法将自己的心情点滴记录在网络空间，现在终于可以了，还有好多的话想说出来，可惜文字的表现力与自己的想法还是不能完全一致，忙碌的时候也是激发灵感的最佳时间。只是现在没有时间将这些灵感留住。。。。。。

  I don’t know what is wrong with me? I came across some one and the story goes.
The unexpected interview bridges us and the delayed schedule pushes the progress. Just like any other story, the beginning sheds light on what will happen later on. How to get the phone number is an easy job……….
      Now, all comes to an end and I get everything out of my mind including the means I can get in touch with him. His looking at me will keep fresh in my mind which reminds me that I am a hard liner. What he said and did may move everyone including me. The result is beyond what we take for granted. I was moved and sometimes I did think about how to make my response. To be or not to be , that is the question.    
     What a dilemma for me to make a determination! Turning him down and hurt him is the last thing I will do, but I am left without more choices. What I do is doomed to hurt myself. I confess it is my fault that if only I told you at the beginning or you should be dispensed with the heartbreaks. I didn’t mean to do that in such a special day.
I get to the courage to let him know what I am thinking. It is high time that we speak we show our feeing. We are just friends which is better than anything else. In response to his request, we are strangers and I will not contact him. It is a good way to forget me quickly. Funny enough, we are destined to make acquaintance with each other and finally end up with strangers.
What is gone is gone! It is my strong hope that he will find his Ms Right and enjoy his life. To strike a balance between gains and loses bothers human being as of the existence of the universe.
    It is fair to say that time heals all the sorrows! I am not myself today and I will be back a few days later.   
 

费力地睁开眼睛已经7点半了，黑黑的屋子里没有察觉有阳光的光临。我想看看究竟

哇，好清澈的蓝天，原来阳光就在头顶上。好想去郊游，玩野了，很多人都这么说我，我都感到惊讶，自己何时也成了这样享受型的新新人类？

犹豫了半天不还是不能决定应该穿什么衣服，外面很冷，可是在办公室里却是热气冲天，丝毫没有冬天里的寒冷，这种超级明显的对比简直令人不敢想象。这个也是和人与人之间的差

别。事事皆如此。

   今天的天气很好，原来美丽总在不经意间出现。阳光洒在每个人的脸上，映照出不同的表情，有喜悦，也有没有表情的脸庞，我本想用笑脸来迎接这个美好的早晨，这个是我一贯的这作风，无论自己的处境如何，我会用笑脸来迎接每一个值得庆祝，值得用自己的笑声来感染的美好事物，不开心的事情总是有结束的时候，而自己的开心却是一直存在着，没

有必要让自己在忧郁和哀叹中度过这些美好的时光。

   冷空气吹在脸上的感觉很好，我用手摸了摸自己的脸颊，风儿在和我的头发游戏着。 去年的今天我在做什么呢？ 为了考试而在三点一线间奔波，那股拼劲现在也不知道都逃到哪儿了，现在只剩下每天碌碌无为的我。对着房顶发呆，时间就在这呆呆的眼神中流逝了，之后是叹息，时间又在叹息声中与我插肩而过。。。。。。生命的轮回就是无数时间点构成的，

浪费了这些构成生命的物质，我在浪费着自己的生命，浪费着自己~

路旁正在施工，尘土和灰尘肆无忌惮，民工的劳动换回的有辱骂，有不理解，有白眼，有不屑，等等，我的思绪在旷野里飞舞着，不受羁绊，没有任何约束 ，我还是那个我，那个喜欢独自一人走在喧闹人群中寻求心灵宁静的我，还是那个喜欢发呆的我，还是那个经常干些

莫名其妙，令人啼笑皆非的事情的我，还是那个浮想联翩傻傻的我////////

     突然耳边响起了电梯的声音，每次我都很害怕做电梯，满满的一电梯的人，空气却令人窒息，没有语言和眼神的交流，大家都在扬着头看着电梯已经是否已经到了自己的数字。

我又要开始一天的工作了。

 

很奇怪的事情，公司的网络很不稳定，突然间集体都上不了网，思绪要插上了翅膀，我想到了不久前别人问我的问题，如果是人民币，我会选择是那种，100，50，20，10还是？

我还不犹豫的说，我宁愿自己是一枚一分钱；如果是一只鸟，我会有怎样的选择呢？

我笑着说，我情愿自己是世界上最小的鸟，蜂鸟。 可是这个时候我的大脑里却是闪现着一只在天空中翱翔的雄鹰，自由自在展翅蓝天，可以上网了~~~~

Depression

I was told that someone is going after fame and profit. Who is he?

That bad egg.

I need to know why it is so hard to strike a balance between what we think and what we do. What she said is really a blow, I never know he is such s bad guy.

Maybe he is not to blame. It is very common when one in the labor market.

He is selfish and seeking his own interests and profits regardless of the co-worker’s.

It reminds me of what he did in September. I was surprised at that time but I said nothing. We are predestined to be sharing the same roof and work together.

One needs friends and care when she or he is living in the world. However, he is tap into other’s interests and profits just for his purpose. What a shame~

Ok, everything good goes to him and we are the least one to attach the attraction. Let alone the bonus and praise from the top management.

I pay litter attention to those trifles and now I need to face with all those stupid asses.

An independent thinking keeps me sober minded. I will quit this job next year and continue my courses for interpretation where lies my dreams.

  Never give up the……..

I should find a way out of the depression and anger.

 

After lunch

What I did most after lunch is chatting with the friends. What a shame/

Every time I regret the lost time and life, every time I do the stupid things once and again.

Maybe it is a shelter for me right now; I take the job as an excuse to refuse the full-fledged usage of time and the access of internet.

   One complains what the other did yesterday, I am all ears`````~.

I get to know the intricate and complicated relationship among them. The driving force can be contributed to the seeking of profits for an individual.

  I am reluctant to make any comments on their trifles; I am the least to be involved in the intangible war. Everyone is fighting, for making a living, for a better life, for a dream, for inspiration, for interests, for fame, for money and what on.

  What they did and what they are going to do can be justified for the being of so many excuses. So it seems that what and who is right or wrong is a hard job.

  You are what you want to be! It works now?

It is clear that there is no short cut to success and I have to go through many twists and turns. The terrible thing is that I will lose all the fuel and power I used to have. What I am having and who I am put me into consideration, I am eagle to make changes and the willpower for me is fading.

I get lost`````

Will I be such a me all my life?

Do I still keep in mind what is my inspiration? The dream I have been seeking for?

 The remarks said by my classmate freshes my thinking. After a few months working, I nearly lose and drop all the driving force for learning and further improvement.

  Time is available for me for the time being, but what I am doing?

Time is life, I am losing the life equaling to commit suicide. That is the least thing I wish to see in my life.

Do some changes. Easier said than done. I need a decent life for my parents and my sister and brother. The salary is so litter that even I can’t afford what I need most. No one knows what I am seeking for.

Not much money, but a job with my inspirations and the knowledge I am interested in.

A great interpreter like Ms Zhu tong or just being myself. If only I had the needed money, I should have finished the courses and passed the exams.

So there is no time for me to squander. Action is in urgent need now, I keep on doing those stupid things and say sorry to the lost time and life.

What left at last may be the idle and silly I.

  The educational background and other reasons hinder the access to better jobs and opportunities. Just go ahead and keep on walking. Things will work out.

   

有很多的事情不能购自己解决，却每每的试着去解决，徒增烦恼，放宽心吧，一切都会好起来的。